


tonight (i wish i was your boy)

by avbade



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Mutual Pining, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, bc zuko is a Simp and i stand by that, everyone say thank you chris for the beta!!!!!, this is inspired by the 1975 song of the same name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26366737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avbade/pseuds/avbade
Summary: four times zuko should have spoken up, and one time katara did for him.
Relationships: Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 172





	tonight (i wish i was your boy)

1.

In the green crystal caverns below Ba Sing Se, Zuko finally admitted to himself that Katara was beautiful. It had been easier to ignore that fact when he was chasing her, assaulting her, threatening her, and almost killing her. But down here, with her hand on his scar and a promise to heal him on her lips, he could barely slow the wave of feelings that cascaded through his body. It feels like it had been years since anyone had been this close to him -- he was so protective of his ego and his wounds that he wouldn’t even let his uncle touch him the way she was now. But, the green light from above twinkled in her eyes, and he felt like his heart would fall out of his mouth if he spoke.The vial of spirit water she clutched shimmered teasingly up at him.

If someone had told him that this moment had lasted years, he would have believed them. It would have been so easy to drop at her feet and beg for the mercy she so willingly offered up, to apologize for every single thing that he and his country had done to her and those she loved. He wanted to. For the first time in his life, he felt a guilt he could not explain rushing through his veins, but before he could swallow his heart and push the words out of his throat, time started to move.

He was choosing Azula before he could identify up from down, the promise of his father’s love too much of a temptation for him to refuse. As the Avatar was shot down, he heard her scream, and her pretty blue eyes storming with anger was the last thing he saw before he was rushed out of the cave at his sister’s side.

His uncle wouldn’t look at him.

As the weeks passed in the Fire Nation, he couldn’t help but come to resent the dullness of Mai, the lack of light in her eyes, the lack of presence in the rooms she walked in to, and how cold her hands felt on his body. At night, when he was alone, he tried to remember the warmth that had encapsulated his body for that one shining moment, but it was gone, never to come back. If he thought about it hard enough, he could have cried, but Zuko was a boy who was lucky to be alive, and he didn’t cry. Instead, he thought of all that could have been.

2.

It had been an impulsive decision to go with Katara to face down her mother’s killer, but Zuko wasn’t one for well thought out plans in the first place. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. He clearly understood the ramifications of his decision in his standing with the rest of the group. He had just earned the respect of Sokka, one of the last to welcome him in after the eager Aang and the oddly welcoming Toph. Even Suki seemed to tolerate him. This decision might put him on the outs again. But, something told him that this was something he had to do, no matter what.

Katara was many things: intelligent, courageous, stubborn, insistent. Towards Aang and Sokka and Toph, she was loving, forgiving, caring, and gentle. Towards him, she was angry, hostile, bitter, unrelenting. He didn’t blame her. Instead, he was thankful that he was even allowed to be around them at all, and that he might finally have a chance to set things right. The others seemed to have moved on and were simply excited to have a firebender there to teach Aang. But with Katara, she seemed all too eager to hold on to residual anger from when he would chase them around like a rabid dog, but he sensed it was more about the betrayal of her kindness in Ba Sing Se.

They had bonded, albeit briefly, over what the Fire Nation and his father had taken from them: their mothers, their youths, their freedoms. But, he had turned around and gone back anyways, even though she had been willing to use one of the gifts of her people on him.

He couldn’t blame her if he tried. He would hate himself, too. He _does_. So, when her brother and Aang are adamant about Katara not going to find the man that killed her -mother, he jumps at the chance to go with her. If he can make right this one wrong, maybe she’ll look at him again like she did when they were in the cave. He feels like he might just combust if that kindness, that _forgiveness_ , is never directed towards him again. But now, they had looked Yon Rha in the eyes together, and he felt like something between them had shifted.

(It was hard to tell that on the ride home at first, but when she started to cry, she didn’t protest when Zuko took her hand. He considered this progress.)

When they had landed on the dock next to his family’s old vacation house on Ember Island, he was sure he was in for a scolding from Aang, but he greeted Katara with nothing but relief and forgiveness. She seemed distant in her response, and Zuko worried that maybe, just maybe, he had broken one more part of her. Maybe seeing the man who murdered her mother had snapped the last thread of hope in her heart -- Agni knows seeing Ozai every day after what happened to his mother had been a unique form of torture.  
  
He was about ready to turn and head up the docks to this godforsaken house when Katara turned to him, and it was as though the sun fell out of the sky and into his hands. The look in her eyes was similar to the one she’d had in Ba Sing Se, but there was something tender there now that replaced the pity from before. He felt like he could cry.

And then, she was hugging him, and for that brief second she was in his arms, he felt his world right itself entirely. His eyes screwed shut, and something like _thank you_ and _I’m sorry_ and _you’re beautiful_ and _you’re awe inspiring_ threaten to spill out should he even attempt to say anything. Instead, he just savored the feeling of her against him. When she pulled away, she smiled and turned, and hewatched her walk up the hill towards the mansion with Aang at her side. He wished that his voice hadn’t failed him yet again, but Zuko was a boy who was finally learning how to find himself, so he followed them with a smile curling up the corners of his lips.

3.

The night was cool when they finally arrived at the White Lotus camp, and anyone in their right mind would either be in a tent or around a fire, but Zuko was not in his right mind in any sense of the phrase. So, he kneeled in front of the tent that his uncle was sleeping in, and he felt the guilt of everything he’d ever done wash over him like the typhoons that threaten crops every summer.

His uncle had been more of a father to him than Ozai could have ever hoped to be, and the longer Zuko spent away from Iroh, the more he realized how much he needed his uncle by his side. This was only solidified in his mind when he saw how much Sokka and Katara’s moods had improved when they rescued Hakoda from the boiling rock.

He had come to rely on his uncle in the years of his banishment, and as he was beginning to make the hardest decisions of his life, he wanted his uncle with him. But, a part of him thought it was too late to mend the bridges he had burned, and that he had been too cruel for too long to warrant any hope of reconciliation. So, he kneeled outside, and waited, and cursed himself to the moon and back. He felt more like his father’s son in this moment than ever before. He was too lost in his own spiral of self loathing to notice that Katara approached and settled at his side.

She spoke soft words of encouragement to his worries, her eyes glimmering with something secretive and kind. He found himself hanging on every word, and surprisingly enough, his fears were slowly banished. The affection he held for her in his heart felt like it could choke him, so he just swallowed the lump that had settled in his throat and nodded helplessly. Affection felt like too small of a word to describe the sheer rush of feeling that ran through his body at this moment in time, but she was standing before he could even begin to ask himself what the racing of his heart meant. She’d smiled again, squeezed his hand, and gently pushed him on the shoulder to go inside his uncle’s tent.  
  
He couldn’t help but rise to his feet and head inside then. Katara’s faith in him was like a drug, and he wanted to prove himself worthy of this newfound faith, born of trial after trial after trial. Now inside the tent, he kneeled again, this time at his uncle’s bedside, and found himself not cursing the waiting anymore. When his uncle eventually woke, he was received with the love that could only be described as that of a father for a son, and Zuko wept. He had never felt this kind of love before in his entire life. Everywhere he looked, he was surrounded by love. It was new, and unfamiliar, and he almost didn’t know how to feel about it. He realized this is how Aang must have felt coming out of the iceberg, dropped so suddenly into a world he couldn’t have explained, even if he tried, led on by a pair of pretty blue eyes. His uncle was warm, and smelled like jasmine tea, and he let Zuko cry as if he were a child again. Everything about this was so new, but Zuko was a boy who was finally allowing himself to find a home to rest his weary soul in. For the first time in a very, very long time, he was not afraid.

4.

Conceptually, one knew that getting hit with lighting would hurt. The body was not meant to withstand that much electricity, even if you were a firebender. Zuko had never been more thankful that his uncle had taught him a way to deflect it than before his encounter with Ozai beneath the Fire Nation palace. But, he knew that there was no way he could get the form perfect in the process of running over to protect Katara. There was just no time.

Zuko always knew that Azula had no scruples about hurting him or people he loves. He should have known that bringing Katara to this fight was a risk he shouldn’t have taken, no matter how badly he needed her at his side. Asking Katara to come had been selfish. He had been so utterly terrified at the prospect of having to maybe kill his own sister, no matter how insane she was now. In his mind, he’ll always see the little girl she once was, when the only thing she could say was a fraction of his name. That child lives in his mind forever, but he needed to remember that it wasn’t the girl standing in front of him.

Katara getting killed wasn’t in the plan. So, his legs moved before his mind, and he was throwing himself into the shot before he even knew what he was doing.

The lighting rushing through his body was like a fire that burned hot and cold all at once, and forced him to move underneath his own skin like he was being controlled from some external force. He would have screamed out in pain if his voice had worked, but he was so overcome with the pain and the sudden fear of dying that gripped his heart like a vice.

He wasn’t really conscious enough to realize that Katara had stepped in to detain Azula, but soon enough she was chained over the grates, and Katara was over him, cradling his body in her lap. Her face was covered with sweat and tears, and he longed to reach up to brush them away. She shouldn’t cry for him, but she did, and she pushed his robes open as his vision swam before him.

The water she was using to heal him was cool against his burning skin, and he felt the pain slowly subside the longer she worked on him. Soon enough, his twitching stopped, and he stopped seeing double, and Katara’s face fully came into focus. She was crying in earnest now, yelling at him about being foolish and irrational, but the only thing he could think of was how much he absolutely loved her. Without a fraction of a doubt in his mind, he had fallen totally and completely in love with Katara, and he thought his heart might crumble under the weight of the feelings he had burning through him. But, unlike the lightning, this was a burning that made him feel like he was being brought back to life.  
  
She helped him rise to his feet, and they stumbled towards the palace together. This place had once harbored so much pain for Zuko, and it served as nothing but a reminder of his failures and shortcomings. But, as he walked through the doors with Katara at his side, he felt like he could do anything, even be the next Fire Lord. When he was reunited with the rest of the Gaang, Zuko felt a contentment settle into his bones that he had never felt before. There was a lot left to do now that Ozai was defeated. There was a nation to heal, relationships to repair, and duties to be assumed, but Zuko was a boy who wasn’t alone anymore. He found himself looking towards the future with hope in his heart for a better world, and he knew that for once, everything just might actually be okay.

1, again.

It felt like no time at all had passed from the day of Sozin’s Comet, but it had already been three weeks, and the day of Zuko’s coronation had come. He had risen with nervousness thrumming through his blood, but something unknown pushed him forward.

He’d checked his bandages in the mirror, like always, and couldn’t help but think about the feeling of Katara’s hands on his body when she would heal him. She was the strictest healer around, always checking up with his guards and his ministers to make sure that he wasn’t exerting himself beyond what was absolutely necessary for him and his duties as Fire Lord. He knew this was her way of thanking him for jumping in front of the lighting for her, even though he had told her a million times that there was no need for thanks. He had just started to put on his robe when a guard announced that Mai was here to see him, and soon she was before him, somber as ever. She’d reached for him, but he slightly stepped away from her, and understanding flashed through her dull eyes. She’d hugged him then, reassured him that she understood, and she left like she entered -- quietly, and without pomp and circumstance. As she left, Katara walked into the room, and Zuko felt all of the tension slip from his body at the sight of her. How could one person feel so much like coming home? He longed to reach out to her, but she was in front of him before he could even extend his hand.

She inspected his wound quietly, and he had to force down the feelings that rose up in his chest before he said something he knew he would regret. He knew that tenderness must have been written all over his face, but he couldn’t find it in his heart to pretend in this moment. He was painfully aware of Aang’s feelings for her, but he didn’t know where she stood. He didn’t want to force her to deal with more feelings from yet another boy, and he knew that she probably didn’t feel the same about him. His face must have looked miserable, because Katara asked in alarm if he was in any pain. He waved her off reassuringly, and he moved away from her to go stand at the window.

He had assumed she’d left because the room was so silent, but she came up to his side again, and they stood shoulder to shoulder as they looked out of the window. They stood like that for what felt like forever, until Katara reached out and took his hand in hers. His head snapped over to face her, his eyes wide. He could feel the blush coating his cheeks, and he swallowed his nerves.

There were so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that there was no one in the world who understood him as she did, that there was no one who had ever made his heart race so fast, that there was no one who was as kind or as beautiful or as gentle or as strong or as powerful in his eyes. He wanted to tell her that he wanted her by his side forever, and he lived in utter terror of when she would go back to the South Pole with her brother and father. He wanted to tell her that she had kept her promise of healing him in Ba Sing Se, and that when he looks at himself, he doesn’t see the enemy anymore. But before he could even find a place to begin, Katara had grabbed his other hand and squeezed both tightly.

“I love you, Zuko,” she said, a blush dusting across her cheekbones. The light from the sun caught in her eyes, and she glances up at him, a small smile forming across her face. “I just couldn’t go another day without letting you know. I was so scared when you got hit with the lightning- I thought I would never get a chance to tell you.” One of her hands dropped his so she could run her hand over the starburst that was seared onto his chest under the bandages. “And then I saw Mai come into your room, and I thought I was too late, so it’s okay if you-”  
  
“I love you too, Katara,” he blurted out, eyes wide, and he was pulling her against him faster than was probably smart in his state.

Kissing Katara was unlike any sort of euphoria he had ever felt before; it rivaled that of seeing the dragons with Aang. It was better than anything his imagination could have conjured up. It was brief, but when she pulled away, he knew that this was the first of many, many good days to come. If this had been years ago, Zuko would have wondered when the ball would drop, when it would all come crashing to an end in a glorious show of pain, but Zuko was a boy who was born anew in the light of the love of those he held most dear. He looked forward to what was to come, and the new era of peace he would help to usher in with Katara at his side.


End file.
